Sunday, April 10, 2016

The Mangina Monologues

Privy to the phone conversations of someone who doesn't know to keep his conversations private, I do what writers do....publish it. 
For brevity, there are some phrases he peppers in the conversation generously.
You know what I'm saying?  YKWIS
Oh my goodness!  OMG
I know that's right!  IKTR
He also prefaces many of his sentences with the teenage valley girl "like."
My thoughts are in parenthesis and if I missed a word or two it will be replaced with "dildo" today. 

Oh, guuuuuurl, IKTR
hmmmm, uh huh... like, I am a grown man, I'm too old for that. Like, YKWIS?
Whatch you saying?
Yeah, and like she don't know what she's talking about, not at all. YKWIS?
I don't have time for that, I really don't.  hmmmmm huh IKTR.
Ain't nobody got to tell me how it is, YKWIS? It's like be an adult.  That's all you got to do is be an adult. Like, there's no need for all that.
hmmmm, I know what you're saying, uh huh...
Ain't nobody got to be like that. Like, there was this one dildo (ears perking up) and it was so rude. The dildo done went and dildoed. YKWIS?

Break in conversation while I went to another area to vent with another room mate.
We both agreed this gets on our nerves to no end. It breaks up the harmony in the house, where 7 of the 8 people get along, and then there is this....

uh huh....OMG! (He's in the bathroom talking on the phone.  The echos make the conversation even louder.) Yeah, he did. Like when you know that's your dildo, you should take care of your dildo. (OK I heard it this time but now it's just funny) Guuuuuuurl...You know that isn't anybody else's dildo but your own, YKWIS?  

I try to stare him down as he comes out of the bathroom, but he pays no attention and keeps announcing his conversation to anyone in earshot. 

Hmmm, yeah, like I don't ever play with my dildo like that. It's rude, YKWIS?  RUDE!  Well, maybe I should let you go, I know you're busy. 

The conversation was shorter today, and I missed the middle of it in favor of venting. I'll post other conversations from cell phones as I hear them, and people talk about their personal business in public. 

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