The Mangina Monologues

This is an actual conversation from an adult, African American male. It is my contention you give up the right to privacy if you can hear every word. 

These are the Mangina Monologues

I sat by the door of my bedroom and listened into his conversations. He did not know I listened. I made every attempt to document the conversations exactly, but there were some things I didn't catch. I filled in the conversation with what I imagined it to be, so it might not be entirely accurate. I could only hear one side of the conversation. (In parenthesis is me thinking)

In the interest of brevity, there are two acronyms included because he says them so much: YKWIS is You know what I'm saying? and IWS is I was saying.

I'm not going into detail with her, but I am going to let her know she hurt my feelings, I mean that would hurt anybody's feelings. She doesn't get to know about me, you know what I'm saying? I'm just going to tell her she hurt my feelings.

(His feelings are hurt daily, this is news???) Pause while other person talks....he's letting someone else get a word in edgewise.

But they did hurt my feelings that one time. YKWIS? I mean like, I was so mad and they told me not to do it but....other party interrupted.

(If they told you not to do it and you did it anyway, you are a moron)

It's like I KNOW who I am. I guarantee I know who I am. YKWIS?
They said I'm evasive and shit and I'm not evasive at all. They need to get a grip and know who I am, because they aren't going to define me, I'm like not letting that happen.

I'm the type of person that I'll let so much go, but I'm going to hand wag my fancy self all up in their face and let them know who I am and I'm not who they think I am and I'll tell them who I am so they don't think I don't know who I am YKWIS?

(I may have embellished that a bit)

Like, I'm so over it YKWIS? It's not worth it. People say I wear my heart out on my sleeve (who are these ppl he speaks of?) but I'm a nice person and I'm not going to stop being a nice person just because someone else wants me to change YKWIS?

Then I was like she was all up in my BF the other day and I was like "Bitch, you don't even know" and I got up in her face. No, it was the other day in Cleveland. That bitch don't know what's right or what she got herself into when she got up into me. I don't play like that YKWIS? and yeah, I'm fighting for my life and the I told her "you're using your BF to get to me and I'm not having it. You know, I was like we are not having this conversation right now, we are not. You are so child like and I can't talk to you on that level. Then she said I was a fucked up drama queen who can't mind his own business, and she said I'm like all into creating drama because I like ppl feeling sorry for me. I said How DARE you! And I'm at work and you're breaking up with your BF and you are trying to get to me through him and that's some shit. NO, just no, it's not happening And I didn't even go into detail with all her shit, I wasn't going to tell her about her shit either.

Pause

(I can't figure out who's BF is doing what or who is trying to get to who and who is breaking up with .....he is rambling so fast this guy has some issues going on there)

No, me and her cannot have a conversation and she's still here judging me (Is he talking about me now? I think he is.) and still she has no place to judge me or anyone but she's acting so childlike, she talks behind my back (yes I do <blushing>) still, who is she to talk YKWIS?

No, there should be no place *sigh* It's just a bad situation. I'm not going for it, I'm just not. But there not going to see what she's doing, she's no better therefore I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't. I can't talk to her *sigh*

3-4 min quiet, he's letting someone else talk. I think he's talking about me. I moved his Axe products around in the bathroom to create the illusion someone might be using them.

I'm not gonna

more quiet

I should be there in a way, YKWIS?

quiet

It's like fucking, I'm not sorry, why should I be sorry? Like, you know who's coming in the game? uhm hmm...hmmm....yeah and you know I'm watching out for my door. YKWIS?

Oh Goodness....he laughs

Right...he goes to the bathroom

(You don't really want to know what I hear during this, I actually didn't want to hear, but I was seated at my door and I didn't want the chair to move and him figure out I was listening)

Yeah *sigh* Oh goodness They didn't get anybody with that though, they only got them when they put panties on their head at work. It was unprofessional, YKWIS? and he was wearing the green panties and I really wanted the green panties but then when everybody got caught with their head panties in the baking area it wasn't cool. I wasn't in on that so they can't do me like the others cuz that's not what I'm about, you know? (I may have embellished, the boys were making noise and I missed some bits.)

Well, you gots plans for that? Don't they get confusing? You have to learn all those systems, I just don't know. There's lots of stuff you gotta learn.

yeah

yeah

(How hard can it be to learn to put panties on your head?)

Actually, that's totally Bill's party, totally.

uhm hmmm...yeah.....

Wait a minute, just hold up, Didn't that woman just have a baby for her daughter or something? Yeah, I know that was her. I didn't know old ppl could do that. How they be having babies that's their grandbaby? I just don't know.

Going back to his room...while he mansplains the gestation of babies in old women. I didn't know I could stay in my seat without getting up to smack him upside the head. The only thing worse than mansplaining is gay mansplaining.

You say what now?

Oh, OK...how was it her own son?

You know she's trying to pass, ans she don't have the dark skin.

Oh really?

I said did she get contacted? No. I'm just asking, Did they? hmmmm.....

I still haven't called that girl on if this is a real relationship. I said guurl...I know you couldn't be meaning me cuz it's like I didn't give her no reason and I'm not playing that way. I mean like

(what way does he play?)

yeah....hmmmm....yeah.....what''s her name? I guess she's gonna represent like who she is. It's not like she's got a body, I mean look at her mom....uhm....hmmmm....yeah.....she's trying to do her thing. And I'm like even around his parents (what the hell? How did we get here?) It's like he's so negative, he's always got to be doing something to cause attention, even if it's negative attention. Some ppl are just like that, they don't care what attention they get.

(Pot, Kettle,Black)

hmmmm uhmm...laugh

Yeah so IWS so he is in the wrapper (is this the new slang for in the closet?) and then he catered more to girls YKWIS? Yeah, so once they found that out

Oh...cute....yep

There's no way out of this for him, oh my goodness!

I don't care about her, she's representing and she don't have no reason. And she's just talking on her end (she can't talk on your end, you fill up that space and more) but she's brown, she ain't black but she's playing it up and representing like she is YKWIS? Guuuuurl, don't I know it?

That's what I'm saying, OK?

(My head is spinning, I have no idea what he's saying)

Thus concludes the Mangina Monologues for this evening. Tomorrow night's performance hinges on how much I can dip in his conversations.