The Great Adventure, Day 4

We awoke on the fourth day of our journey in a quiet, somber mood.  We got dressed, showered and waited for lunch because no one delivered breakfast.  I called Pinky’s to see about the car and was told they had not started to work on it yet, the part had not arrived back to the garage, but he still thought he could get it done by 2pm this afternoon.  At eleven am, I had to make a choice on keeping the room or not.  While the thought of sitting three hours in the garages tiny waiting room was not pleasant, I wasn’t sure the car would be done on time.  It seems when my car needs work, something else goes wrong when they go to fix the thing it is in for.  So I thought I’d play it safe and we got the room for another night.  I looked at the map and if we got to bed early and left at six the next morning, we could still make it to Arizona by late that afternoon.  It would not give Milena any time to see my new home because her plane left early Saturday morning, but I thought it was the best we could do. 

We ordered lunch and watched TV, and took turns on the internet.  Neither of us said anything.  I don’t know if we just didn’t have the energy or we were both worried.  As luck would have it, the garage called at 1:45pm to inform me the car was ready.  Gus picked me up and I went to pay the bill.  I was in for quite a surprise.  The bill was $512 and some change!  It seems the $311.00 wasn’t the total, the $170.00 was added to it.  I paid the bill but now I was very concerned.  I didn’t know if I was going to have enough money to get there, and to pay all the security deposits and fees for my apartment.  I got back to the hotel and did the math.  It was going to be close.  I wasn’t even to Arizona and I was already starting to get homesick.  I went out to the car and got a box of pictures out of the car.  I went through them, showing Milena the ones with her in them, or the very old ones.  She was polite, but I don’t think she was interested.  The closer we were to Arizona, the more upset I was becoming. 

I flipped through picture after picture.  It was like a death, I was seeing my life flash before my eyes.  Arizona was bright, I was heading toward the light, and I had to do it alone, no one I loved could come, nor could they do it for me.  Turning back was not an option; my life wasn’t in Ohio anymore.  I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come.  I wanted to be happy, but I was exhausted and terrified.  No one I knew had ever done anything quite like this, so I had no one to talk to, no one to reassure me I was going to be OK.  Several people told me how brave I was to do this.  I’m not brave; I am scared out of my mind.  My confidence was waning, my faith fading, and my resolve was doubtful.  Milena talked on the phone to her boyfriend.  I had friends I could call, but what would I say to them?  I was so tired; I didn’t have the energy for conversation.  It was far from my darkest hour, but my light was dim and flickering.  Milena wasn’t happy we were delayed by another day, but I think we also needed the rest, the peace and the quiet.  Day four went by without much discussion, without any drama, and without any adventure.  We went to bed early so we could leave on time.