The Value of Being a Woman

Just mention the word feminism and you get a host of prejudicial and hateful “jokes.”  I am proud to say I am a feminist, that is, I support my sisters in our ongoing struggle against subjugation and oppression.  I am an active participant in Planned Parent.  I do NOT hate men, not even my ex-husbands.   I am not a lesbian, though my sexual orientation should not by tied to the word feminism, but some link it as such. 

Before I get much into the historical content and where I would like to see our future as women go, I would like to give some examples of why we have yet to achieve true equality in one of the most industrialized nations in the world.  Men (particularly white males) have enjoyed domination over America since its inception.  They have done so to a large extent by “the good ol’ boys club.”  That is to say they have had each other’s backs.  When one needed help or got into trouble, his buddies covered for him.  Women, on the other hand, tend to stab a knife in your back.  We do not pull together as a gender to enrich and protect each other.  That has kept our struggle for equality undermined.  The best example is when a significant other cheats on a woman.  Instead of holding the male exclusively accountable for his conduct, often the scorned woman goes after the “other “woman.  I never understood why that made sense.  The other woman did not have a contract with you to be faithful, but the male certainly did.  The male breached his contract with you, so why go after the woman?  Furthermore, you would not maintain a business relationship with someone who breached a contract, why would you continue to have a personal relationship with a male who did?  We need to band together instead of tearing each other apart.

American history has been written and approved by white males.  The problem with the history we have been taught is that it grossly excludes a balanced perspective of Native American history, African American history, Spanish history, French history, religious history and the history of female equality.  I think it is a horrendous injustice not to include a more balanced perspective.  It saddens me deeply that our youth and most of the female population do not know the names Susan B Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton.  These two women worked tirelessly to improve the condition of women and sadly did not live to cast a vote.  They worked so women had the right to vote, to allow our voices to be heard.    The constitution provided equality for white males and an additional 1/5 provision to allow slave owners to have the right to vote for their males slaves.  It would be many years later before a black male had the right to vote on his own, and 144 years after the drafting of the constitution before women had the right to vote at all!  A male prison inmate or a male mental patient had more rights than that of a woman. 

It was during the struggle to free slaves that white northern women first saw a disparity.  The abolitionist movement to free southern slaves highlighted the plight of women, and how they were virtually as enslaved as the people they were working to free.  At that time, women were not permitted to own property, in fact, they were viewed as property.   Women were first property of their father, then of their husband.  Women were not permitted to own land, and were not legally allowed to sign a contract.  Employment opportunities were few, and if they were employed, the money they earned was not theirs to keep and spend as they desired.  Many women were not even afforded the luxury of choosing their own spouse.  The parents chose for them.  Education beyond basic literacy was considered frivolous.  Women were excluded from obtaining college degrees.  In fact, the only reason women were permitted the education to read was for the purpose of worship.  They were taught basic literacy so they could read the bible.  It was legal for a man to “discipline” his wife as long as the rod he used was no greater in diameter than his thumb.  Even her body was not her own, a woman could not deny her husband sex if he wanted it. 

Child custody disputes in the rare divorce were always decided in favor of the father.  Children are a commodity.  If you trace back custody trends, you will find an interesting dynamic.  Child custody favored the father when there was a financial gain toward keeping custody of the children.  When we were primarily an agricultural society, children were a vital part of the work force in the family farm.  Even as we moved toward a more industrialized nation, children remained a commodity to continue to perform household chores while the father worked, especially female children.  Children were also considered a resource for aging parents.  As we moved toward urbanization, women were gaining ground in the work force, child labor laws were enacted, and children were no longer a financial commodity, so under the guise “a child belongs with their mother” custody was always awarded to the mother.  Women initially viewed this as a great gain, however it plunged their family into immediate poverty.  Alimony was awarded, but the system in place to enforce it was not very effective. 

Impoverished families as a result of divorce continued to be a social blight.  Child support was ordered, but like alimony, enforcement was lax.  As the enforcement of child support began to be more stringently enforced, custody of children again became an issue for the fathers.  Children were once again a commodity.  Fathers began to demand custody of the children.  We now have custody battles that can go on for years.  It has never really been about the best interest of the child, as is popular to say.  Children are a commodity.  Children and the ability to bear children is one of our nation’s greatest undocumented assets. 

About twenty years ago, my daughter asked me “Mom, when do you think we will have a woman as President.”  I replied to her “Sadly, I think we will have a black male president before we have a white female president.”  She hates it when her mother is right.  The night Obama was elected; she called and said, “I can’t believe you were right.”  I could predict this because there is a hierarchy of prejudice which remains in place even today.   White male, black male, white female, black female and then it goes on from there.  Just as in the struggle to free slaves, we are still facing inequality.  Every major industrialized nation in the world has had a female leader at some point in their history except the United States.   The impression is the United States is at the forefront of human rights and equality, but the actual statistics paint a much different picture.  Women hold 17% of Congressional seats, 25% of the House of Representatives, 7 of 50 governorships, 24.3% of state legislature and the United States is ranked 71^st internationally in women’s political representation.  Iraq and Afghanistan are ahead of us, and we have armed forces over there to protect human rights.  (Figures are from Secrets of Powerful Women, by Andrea Wong, President and CEO of Lifetime Networks and Rosario Dawson, Activist and Co-Founder Vote Latino.)  Currently, women comprise 51% of the nation’s workforce, and while that may indicate equality, the vast majority of those jobs are service oriented low wage positions.  That is not empowerment, it is impoverishment.  Over 230 years later, our voices are still not being heard, we are making only a whisper. 

A double standard still applies.  Women have to work twice as hard to achieve the same results because we are undermined at every turn.  Take the Speaker of the House, for example.  Nancy Pelosi was the first woman to serve as Speaker of the House, followed by John Boehner, our current Speaker of the House.  John Boehner is known to exhibit emotion by crying.  Had Nancy Pelosi cried at any point during her service, she would certainly have been viewed as weak, and unable to handle the pressures of the position.  Jokes are made about Boehner, but in no context is it said he is weak and crumbling under the pressure of his job.  Strong, passionate woman are still called “bitches” and “ball busters.”  We are nothing of the sort.  We simply believe in our convictions. 

Women are making great strides toward true equality, but we have so very far yet to go.  I grew up with the expectation I would be barefoot and pregnant, so a college education would be wasted on me.  I aligned my self-worth with attracting a good husband and father.  When that failed, I was left hurt and confused.  I did what was expected of me, but here I was in the Battered Women’s Shelter anyway.  As mothers, we need to expect more of our female children than to marry.  The world we live in does not work well for someone who is uneducated.  College must be an expectation.  There is nothing wrong with a woman staying home to raise the children.  I was lucky in the sense I was able to do that for most of my children’s’ younger years.  But we also must have means to support ourselves should the marriage fail, or our spouses die.  That is simply the reality of life. 

The greatest form of subjugation against women remains in our reproductive value.  Children remain a commodity.  Reproductive rights emerge every time Washington has issues of great importance they want John Q Public detracted from.  This fight in the Ohio house is as ludicrous as it is in every other state house.  The Supreme Court has already denied Indiana the right to defund Planned Parenthood.  Government dollars cannot dictate the services a health care provider offers, nor can it limit the choices of providers based on the services the provider offers.  The government does not provide dollars to allow abortions, though it will spend tens of thousands of those same dollars to support an unwanted child.  None of it makes any sense.  States are spending extravagant funds on defunding Planned Parenthood so some of the representatives can look good in the eyes of their Pro-Life constituents.  It is a mute issue, one that has no chance of succeeding in the Supreme Court of our nation.  This is time, effort and money wasted instead of facing the real issues our country is facing, such as jobs, energy and healthcare.  We don’t need to fight this battle, yet here we are again.  It is an attack on women.  The opponents spout off “scare tactic numbers” on abortions performed in this country that have no basis in fact.  An emotional issue trumps the facts every time. 

Worse yet, there are representatives who are using this forum as a way to balance the budget.  There are no benefits in removing funding from Planned Parenthood, yet some try to make it a financial strategy without considering the amount of money saved by protecting women who want to have control over their own bodies.  Yes, there are women who use abortion as a means of birth control.  It is an unequivocal abuse of reproductive rights, but those women are rare.  The vast majority of women weigh all options carefully and with great thought.  I feel strongly that if women knew the history behind us, the women who fought long and hard for the rights we have now, this would not be an issue at all.  Women are not represented in any type of a historical context. 

This is an excerpt of an interview with Gloria Steinem by Marianne Schnall in December 2006

MS: What do you think are the biggest challenges that women face today?

GS: Whatever each individual woman is facing; only she knows her biggest challenge. However, if we add up the problems that affect the biggest numbers of women, then issues having to do with physical safety and reproduction are still the biggest. Female bodies are still the battleground, whether that means restricting freedom, birth control and safe abortion in order to turn them into factories, or abandoning female infants because females are less valuable for everything other than reproduction. If you add up all the forms of gynocide, from female infanticide and genital mutilation to so-called honor crimes, sex trafficking, and domestic abuse, everything, we lose about 6 million humans every year just because they were born female. That’s a holocaust every year. It makes sense that reproductive freedom is still the biggest issue – because the reason females got in this jam in the first place was because the patriarchal state or religion or family wanted to control reproduction -- to decide how many workers, how many children the nation needs, and who owned them in systems of legitimacy -- or even outright slavery. The International Labor Organization says there are about 12 million people living in literal slavery around the world, and 80 percent of them are women and girls.

This is a crime against women worldwide, and it begins with baby steps stripping away our rights under the guise of morals. We need to stop it now.....

The saddest thing of all I have observed is the misuse of sexual freedom.  Women like Gloria Steinem who pioneered the sexual revolution and the bra burning in the 60’s are not even known by the youth of today.  Worse, they have used sexual freedom as a means to manipulate a relationship.  This devalues them as women.  They are selling their sexual freedom to anyone who will show them a little attention.  That is not why women wanted to control their own sexuality.  Prior to the sexual revolution, if a woman had sex outside of marriage, she was a social outcast and labeled with numerous derogatory names.  A man could have as much sex with as many women as he wanted and was praised for his prowess.  I am thrilled to be able to choose my sexual partner, or partners.  I have sex because it is my choice to do so, not for any other reason.  I can also choose not to have sex, and I often do.  The important thing is that it is MY CHOICE.  I am not a slut or a whore because I choose to have sex.  The choice to have sex with someone or not to have sex with anyone is a personal choice.  It is meant to empower a woman to have control over her own body, not to sell it to the first guy who offers a compliment. 

It is my belief that if the youth of today were aware of the struggles we have had as a gender, if they knew the history and names that have changed our lives; we would not be fighting each other.  We would band together as a gender and support one another in our struggles.  It is not a moral issue, it is not a party issue, and it is not really even a feminist issue.  It is a human issue.  Women are a resource which has been largely untapped and widely ignored.  Until we can band together and work toward true equality, it will continue to be a struggle in our daily lives.  Until we can show our youth our rich history and the meaning of it, they will continue to debase their body.  Until we place value in ourselves as women, our daughters will not value themselves, either.  It is time to break the cycle.