Hump Day Fun

I am sorry dear fans I have not been writing.  Getting my life together has been very stressful, and I can’t write this stressed out.  Don’t want to go into it because today something really funny happened, so I thought I would share one of those moments in life I will be talking about clear into dementia!  If my children are reading this, there are some things you just don’t want to know about your mother, so skip this one.  There are some things a mother does not want their daughters to know, either!  But sex is a normal part of life so they say……..

I would love to be a slut, but I am very choosy about who I have a nighter with.  That leaves long periods in between to entertain myself.  I have to keep those muscles in shape!  They won’t work right when I need them if I don’t keep them healthy, right?  Besides, I am in the sexual prime of my life.  All those years of having periods I deserve to be sexually primed like a teenage boy!  I was thinking about it though and guys my age need assistance to keep things going, and without Viagra, rock hard isn’t.  Life is not fair that way.  That why I date cubs.  They can keep up.  And I do so love teaching them things that blow their mind.  Guys my age were raised in the same sexually repressive environment I was so they come in three types; the standard and no deviation, the slightly over the line, and the pervs.  By most of their standards, I’m more than they can handle.  What has always cracked me up, a couple guys think I must be a slut to be adventurous with sex, but I have always been monogamous and faithful when in a relationship. 

Yeah, I know I’m stalling.  Sex is still hard for me to talk about.  I’m supposed to be an independent, sexually free and empowered woman, but those tapes ring through my mind loudly proclaiming all the things my generation had to say about women and sex.  I guess I’ll get down to it, because it is too funny not to share.  It’s all right to have a laugh at my expense.  If I hadn’t been up for the last two days I would be laughing at myself!  So OK, I haven’t been with a man since I left Ohio.  It’s kind of tough to hunt for cubs when you don’t leave your apartment.  (I am getting out this weekend; I have plans to go to the park and the library.  I have the cutest pink sweat outfit for the park!)  Yes, still stalling.  Breathe in, and slowly out……

I have been having a problem with roaches here.  It is DISGUSTING!  I never knew what one looked like until I moved here.  My apartment is very clean, and the trash never remains in the kitchen overnight.  It would seem I have some filthy neighbors.  I have had the roach guys here almost every two weeks and I am still getting late night visitors.  It is so bad; I turn the kitchen light on and stand outside the kitchen armed with roach spray before I go in at night.  I am pretty sure I am on a first name basis with a couple of them.  My great Arizona adventure and my best friends are a couple roaches I live to spray!  I have never seen the roach guy because they like to come in the morning and I am asleep.  They spray the front of the apartment and I have creepy dreams.  This morning I am going on day two of insomnia, so I was awake when he arrived.  He was a nice enough fellow, but not the kind to get my wheels turning (at least not in his direction.)  He was very nice in a creepy sort of way, explaining I get the roaches because my house is clean; one of my neighbors is infested.  He said the neighbors who have them are so filthy they don’t want people coming into their house, so they don’t complain.  I learned a lot about roaches today I never wanted to know.  He took great joy in creeping me out.  I’m glad I could amuse him.  His butt crack certainly amused me. 

Since I was awake and I eat in my bedroom, he wanted to spray in there.  I still don’t have much for furniture, so I made a cave out of my bedroom.  I live here.  It is cozy and nice, but potentially a place for roaches to visit.  He asked if he could spray back here just in case.  He said roaches love to eat the dry skin on my feet! GROSS!  I am giving myself a scrubbed pedicure today.  Of course I jumped at the chance to have my bedroom sprayed.  I can’t wait until I can get a bedframe and get this mattress off the floor!  I don’t want to know what nibbles on me in my sleep.  I quickly cleaned off my bed; I had papers spread all over it from applying to jobs all night.  I miss having a desk.  That is the next thing I am going to get after a bedframe.  I lifted the mattress and he started at the bottom, spraying around the wall when I pulled off the last blanket….and right there in plain view was my favorite naughty toy!  So that’s where it was hiding!  I pretended I didn’t see it while his eyes lingered on it for a moment.  He played it cool as he gave a look at his helper to check out my toy.  He forgot what he was talking about, though!  I played it cool; as if I didn’t know it was there and reminded him what he was talking about.  I was too embarrassed to be embarrassed!  As I tend to do when I am embarrassed, my chatter when into overdrive, but the roach fellows seemed preoccupied.  Worse, as they rounded the room, I didn’t get the laundry put away, and the chair was filled with a pile of Victoria’s Secrets panties and bras!  He just had to look at them!  I tried to distract him, but his attention was captured.  He realized he was lingering, and stuttered a moment before moving around the rest of the bedroom.   They finished up, much less talkative than they had been, and left my apartment.  I’m sure they’ve seen worse, but this was MY personal toy!  They were MY panties!  As he left my apartment, I got a good look at the moon.  So I guess it is hump day? 

I can’t imagine spraying for bugs give one the opportunity to see sex toys, and sexy panties, but I would love to be a fly on the window in their truck!  Maybe this was my good deed for the day, I paid it forward.  I gave the roach guys something to think about throughout their buggy day and just maybe their wives and girlfriends will benefit (ewe, just thinking about those guys having sex.  Get that image out of my mind!!!!) So for future reference, on spraying day I will make sure all my toys are properly put away, the laundry will be free of any underclothing and my bedroom will be neat and clean.   

I will continue my blog on Spirit just as soon as I can reduce the stress of rebuilding my life.  I have been doing some research on my book untitled, so I haven't ignored it.  I need to get my personality subsets in order and create a time line as the story is becoming increasingly complex.  There comes a time I have to do more than just sit down and write.  I have to have my facts straight, and my characters true.  Events have to occur in a timeline that makes sense.  So while I haven't been writing on it, I have been researching what I need to have in my story.  Happy Hump Day!  :)