I don't know why I am surprised when I find out someone has lied to me, either directly or by omission, but I always am. I guess I am an eternal optimist and though I should know better at this age, I still want to believe in the goodness of people. I should take a note from Judge Judy. She says "How do you know a teenager is lying? Because their lips are moving!" I think it can be applied to men as well.
I believe in honesty and transparency. It is how I conduct my life, and usually it works well for me. Some people say I am too honest at times, but I don't understand how that is a problem. I am not so honest I would hurt the feelings of someone else for the sole purpose of maintaining an honest integrity. Integrity is found in kindness; there is a time and place for lying. I'm old enough to know I don't have the time or patience for game playing in any aspect of my life. Drama is not welcomed, either. I've had enough of it to know I don't want any more. Who wants that kind of chaos in their life? What I fail to see is why other people don't feel the same way? I guess they call it "the dating game" for a very good reason, but I don't want to play games. It's not fun for me. I know all the things I "should" do according to all the "how to catch a man" articles, but it is all game playing. It feels manipulative and sneaky. If that's what I have to do to catch a man, I would rather be alone, thank you very much.
I have trust issues, and I am the first to admit it. I do not go about trusting people blindly, but I do give them trust as a default option. I trust them with a critical eye. I don't look for minute little inconsistencies, but I hold back on giving anyone full trust until I have confidence it has been earned. I am still disappointed when I find out they have lied, though. Not only am I upset that they lied, but I feel used as well. I feel as if my honesty was taken advantage of. It is enough to make me want to hide away from the world. I always hear a good woman is hard to find and I bet she is if you go around lying to every woman you meet! I understand women aren't any better at times, but this is not a statement speaking to generalities. I am pissed. I am hurt. This is about me!
I can accept people as they are, faults and all without a problem, but I don't have to allow them into my life if I don't want to. I have spent too much of my life unhappy to knowingly allow more unhappiness in my circle. Happiness is precious. I know I demand a lot from a partner in my life, but I also feel the type of relationship I want for myself is worth waiting for. If it never happens for me I am OK with that, too. I'll be a little sad I never found it, but a little sad is far better than being in a relationship that isn't working, or that I have to compromise something integral I value. I see too many of my friends settle for less than they would like and it is never a pretty picture. I want to believe in people, I really do, but it is hard to keep the faith when your experiences would tell a different story. I keep putting myself out there, though. I guess I will again. I am, after all, the eternal optimist, wanting to believe in the goodness of people. Maybe one day I will be more cynical, but for now I'm really glad that my experiences have not made me so. I may be hurt, but tomorrow is a new day with unlimited possibilities. And you never know what is around the corner. I suppose the best I can do is to keep being who I am. If someone takes advantage of that, or uses it to fulfill their own selfish purpose, then shame on them! I may be hurt, but I can hold my head up with dignity, knowing I never wish to be the cause of someone else's pain.
When I love someone, I love them with everything I have. I am passionate about it, and I value loving someone that deeply. It is an intense feeling. I have loved that deeply twice in my life and I hope to get the opportunity to do it again. I hope I get to be loved that deeply in return, it is amazing when it happens. Loving someone like that is a gift. It is a very precious gift, and it does not need to be given to anyone who is unwilling or unable to give at least that much in return. I have loved someone who did not return it with the same depth and conviction. It hurts really bad to be in that kind of relationship. Even so, I am willing to love someone that intensely again. It is something I think is remarkable about me...despite how badly I have been hurt in the past, I am willing to go there again. I am willing to put myself out there and be hurt if there is the slightest chance for the kind of passionate love I desire,. I deserve to be loved like that because I am willing to love like that, even after having been hurt. Maybe I am being naive, or stupid. Maybe I am wanting something unrealistic in this day and age. There are lots of maybes, with nothing certain. But one thing is certain; if that kind of love is meant for me in this lifetime, I won't be open to it if I don't put myself out there again.
I believe in honesty and transparency. It is how I conduct my life, and usually it works well for me. Some people say I am too honest at times, but I don't understand how that is a problem. I am not so honest I would hurt the feelings of someone else for the sole purpose of maintaining an honest integrity. Integrity is found in kindness; there is a time and place for lying. I'm old enough to know I don't have the time or patience for game playing in any aspect of my life. Drama is not welcomed, either. I've had enough of it to know I don't want any more. Who wants that kind of chaos in their life? What I fail to see is why other people don't feel the same way? I guess they call it "the dating game" for a very good reason, but I don't want to play games. It's not fun for me. I know all the things I "should" do according to all the "how to catch a man" articles, but it is all game playing. It feels manipulative and sneaky. If that's what I have to do to catch a man, I would rather be alone, thank you very much.
I have trust issues, and I am the first to admit it. I do not go about trusting people blindly, but I do give them trust as a default option. I trust them with a critical eye. I don't look for minute little inconsistencies, but I hold back on giving anyone full trust until I have confidence it has been earned. I am still disappointed when I find out they have lied, though. Not only am I upset that they lied, but I feel used as well. I feel as if my honesty was taken advantage of. It is enough to make me want to hide away from the world. I always hear a good woman is hard to find and I bet she is if you go around lying to every woman you meet! I understand women aren't any better at times, but this is not a statement speaking to generalities. I am pissed. I am hurt. This is about me!
I can accept people as they are, faults and all without a problem, but I don't have to allow them into my life if I don't want to. I have spent too much of my life unhappy to knowingly allow more unhappiness in my circle. Happiness is precious. I know I demand a lot from a partner in my life, but I also feel the type of relationship I want for myself is worth waiting for. If it never happens for me I am OK with that, too. I'll be a little sad I never found it, but a little sad is far better than being in a relationship that isn't working, or that I have to compromise something integral I value. I see too many of my friends settle for less than they would like and it is never a pretty picture. I want to believe in people, I really do, but it is hard to keep the faith when your experiences would tell a different story. I keep putting myself out there, though. I guess I will again. I am, after all, the eternal optimist, wanting to believe in the goodness of people. Maybe one day I will be more cynical, but for now I'm really glad that my experiences have not made me so. I may be hurt, but tomorrow is a new day with unlimited possibilities. And you never know what is around the corner. I suppose the best I can do is to keep being who I am. If someone takes advantage of that, or uses it to fulfill their own selfish purpose, then shame on them! I may be hurt, but I can hold my head up with dignity, knowing I never wish to be the cause of someone else's pain.
When I love someone, I love them with everything I have. I am passionate about it, and I value loving someone that deeply. It is an intense feeling. I have loved that deeply twice in my life and I hope to get the opportunity to do it again. I hope I get to be loved that deeply in return, it is amazing when it happens. Loving someone like that is a gift. It is a very precious gift, and it does not need to be given to anyone who is unwilling or unable to give at least that much in return. I have loved someone who did not return it with the same depth and conviction. It hurts really bad to be in that kind of relationship. Even so, I am willing to love someone that intensely again. It is something I think is remarkable about me...despite how badly I have been hurt in the past, I am willing to go there again. I am willing to put myself out there and be hurt if there is the slightest chance for the kind of passionate love I desire,. I deserve to be loved like that because I am willing to love like that, even after having been hurt. Maybe I am being naive, or stupid. Maybe I am wanting something unrealistic in this day and age. There are lots of maybes, with nothing certain. But one thing is certain; if that kind of love is meant for me in this lifetime, I won't be open to it if I don't put myself out there again.
I wish I could put myself out there again.
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