Today's Chatter

I have a date tonight.  I don't date often, mainly because men seem to have lost respect for women, but mostly because at my age, I don't need the validation of having a man in my life to feel whole.  That is such a refreshing change from my younger years!  I still get a little nervous before a date, but there are no butterflies and I don't worry about being on my best behavior.  I am who I am.  Dating is much more fun that way.  Of course, being myself right out of the gate is a lot for most men to handle, they don't understand it.  People fear what they don't understand!  They rarely make it past the third date.  I'm OK with it; I want someone in my life who values the person I am, flaws and all, instead of the person I am pretending to be.  I won't change to accommodate the person I am with.

I always get dumped, and I like it that way.  I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings.  If I don't care for someone, I make sure I do a "dating don't" or two so he doesn't call anymore.  Men's egos are fragile, I don't mind if they think it was their idea for the relationship to end.  Once, I was dating a guy who said he loved children and wanted a family.  Problem was, I didn't want a relationship with him.  He was a decent enough fellow, just not for me.  So one night I invited him over to dinner with me and the girls.  Before he arrived, I had a family meeting.  I told the girls he was coming over and that I didn't really care to date him anymore.  So they had a free pass for the evening.  They could be as bad as they wanted to be!  I told them I would try to discipline them to make it look good, but not to worry, they would not be in any trouble.  They loved it!  After he got there, they started to jump on the furniture, yell, do all the things they would normally get into trouble for.  One of them got my shaving cream out and sprayed it all over the house.  They were defiant and refused to stay in "time out."  It was a great night for all and he never called me again.

It is exceptionally easy to dump a guy and let him think it was his idea.  Tell them you think you are falling in love with him on the second date and see how fast they run.  A good one I used when I was younger was telling him I wanted more children and that I thought he would be an excellent father.  Once I left my day calender open for a date to see a man's name in every block.  One guy was persistent, though.  I used a few tricks and he just would not dump me!  I finally succeeded by scratching "down there" several times during the evening.  It is a great system.  I don't hurt anyone's feelings, and if I run into them on the street I can greet them without any hard feelings.  A couple of them remained friends with me for years afterward.  I never told them I let them dump me.

The driving force behind this system I designed is really simple, though.  I don't want to be dumped.  It hurts to invest yourself into a relationship and find out the other person is not as invested in it as you are.  I read people very well, but sometimes I wear rose colored glasses and see only what I want to see.  I set myself up for failure.  At least, that is what I have learned after all these years.  Trouble is, I know how beautiful a relationship can be when there is mutual love and respect between a man and a woman.  I have seen it in the patients I have cared for in my career.  I have talked at great length with people who clearly are still in love after fifty years of being together.  I know it exists, despite my own personal experiences.  That is what I want for myself, and I will not settle for anything less.  The reality is that I might not get it in this lifetime.  But I am OK with that. too.  I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend it with someone who does not love me like I know I deserve to be loved.

I know what I want out of life, but do I have the courage to allow it to be in my life?  I don't know.  I wish there was a learning curve.  I am more confident and comfortable dating now than in my younger years, there is less I feel I have to prove.  I still have that chatter in my head as I look around for a Prince Charming who will never come.  Funny how the lies we were raised with are the things we are most comfortable with.  I married Prince Charming.  It didn't turn out well, but I still have the fantasy whispering in my ear.  The whole myth of the Prince Charming syndrome, as I call it, still plays in the back of my mind.  It is ridiculous!  The fact is I love the life I have now, there is nothing I need saved from.  But I guess old tapes are hard to erase.  I was raised with the idea a woman cares for the hearth, and a man provides and protects.  That is not the world we live in today.  Gender roles are rapidly changing and we are having trouble as a society adjusting to it.  I think it is tough to know your place in a world that is radically different from the one you were raised to expect.

So I had better get to it.  Just because I don't have nervous butterflies doesn't mean I don't want to look my best.  Yes, this is an illusion as well since I am as comfortable without makeup as I am in it, but I am a multifaceted person.  The exciting part about being who you are is any one of the sides you choose to show at any given moment will be truth.  If the person I am with at the time doesn't like what he sees.....well, that's OK.  I want him to be happy too, and I would rather have a good friend than a spoiled relationship.